


By the Power of Colin Firth

by Sylph_of_Breath



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Kissing, M/M, davekat - Freeform, lots of profanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27640814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylph_of_Breath/pseuds/Sylph_of_Breath
Summary: Karkat ponders the institution of human marriage.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 5
Kudos: 49





	By the Power of Colin Firth

Karkat and Dave are sitting on their couch, as they so often do, as the final scene of _Love, Actually_ plays on their enormous TV, as it so often does. Well, they are not so much sitting as lounging, sprawled out, limbs tangled together in a way that, by all laws of physics, should not be comfortable in the least, but by now is second nature to them. Karkat is laying paradoxically half next to, half on top of Dave, with his head on Dave’s chest. The shots of friends and families greeting each other at Heathrow fade to credits as The Beach Boys remind Karkat that he does not, actually, know what he would do without Dave. 

“DAVE?”

“Sup?”

“DO YOU, UH…”

He’d been thinking about this for a while now, trying to work up the courage, to find the words, but never has. But now, he decides, bolstered by the power of true love and Colin Firth, is the time.

“Do I what?”

“DO YOU EVER, UH, THINK ABOUT...MARRIAGE?”

For the briefest moment, Dave pauses, and Karkat thinks he feels his heart speed up, though that could just be his own pumper he’s feeling, so strong and frantic, and their bodies so close, that it’s hard to pinpoint the source. Imagined or not, it’s not long before Dave is unmistakably back to his regular cool self, and flatly responds.

“Like, do I acknowledge the existence of the institution of marriage? I mean, like half of our friends are married now, so, yeah I guess…”

“NO, THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN. I MEAN…”

He feels his pulse grow faster still, and his palms grow moist. He pushes himself upright, he hopes, before Dave was able to notice.

“I MEAN HAVE YOU EVER, UH, _CONSIDERED_ IT? MARRIAGE?”

“Like, _getting_ married you mean?”

“...YEAH.”

“You mean like, ever?” 

“UH…”

“Or you mean like, in the foreseeable future?”

“UMMMM…”

Karkat’s face feels warm, and he’s starting to feel the first pinpricks of sweat on his forehead. He looks straight down at the floor.

“EITHER...I GUESS…”

“Oh. Nah, not really.”

“OH...”

 _Fuck._ Looks like Colin Firth has let Karkat down, for the first and only time.

“Why, do you?”

“UH, I MEAN, I GUESS...SOMETIMES…”

“Oh...really?”

“I MEAN, YES? IS THAT REALLY THAT SURPRISING?”

Not that he was ever being all that subtle- it’s not easy to _subtly_ discuss marriage with your partner of several years- but any pretense of subtlety, Karkat realizes, is futile at this point. He _was_ being subtle when he suggested the movie selection for the past few days: _The Wedding Planner, My Best Friend’s Wedding, The Proposal_ , but apparently that was a bit _too_ subtle, because apparently their own hypothetical marriage hadn’t even crossed Dave’s mind.

“No it’s fine, I just figured like, that’s not part of your culture, right? So since we’re already pretty much matesprit-ted up, I assumed we’d just leave it at that.”

“I MEAN, NO, IT’S NOT PART OF MY _NATIVE ALTERNIAN_ CULTURE, BUT NEED I REMIND YOU THAT’S THE SAME CULTURE THAT TRIED TO HUNT ME DOWN AND MURDER ME MY WHOLE FUCKING CHILDHOOD FOR BEING AN ABOMINATION, SO PARDON ME IF I’M PARTICULARLY INCLINED TO ADAPTING A FEW HUMAN CUSTOMS! AND BESIDES, KANAYA MARRIED ROSE AND SHE’S A TROLL!”

“Yeah, but they’re _lesbians,_ that’s like a whole other thing…”

Karkat now realizes that subtlety, directness, _and_ Colin Firth have all failed him, and those were all he ever had going for him. He has reached his maximum capacity for shame, and it begins to boil over into the much more familiar, more comfortable emotion of anger.

“OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE! JUST FORGET I BROUGHT IT UP! I WILL NOT BOTHER YOU ANY LONGER WITH MY RIDICULOUS NOTIONS OF HUMAN MARRIAGE!”

“Karkat…”

“NO, NO, FORGET IT, IT’S STUPID AND EMBARRASING AND I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANY MORE SO LET’S JUST WATCH THE NEXT MOVIE AND PRETEND THIS CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED OK?”

“OK, if you’re sure…”

“I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT SURE, DAVE! PLEASE JUST PLAY THE DAMN MOVIE!”

“...‘K.”

Dave gets up to switch out the DVD. He barely makes it halfway across the small living room before he is interrupted. 

“OK BUT _WHY_ DON’T YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?”

“Look, I never said I _don’t_ want to, I guess I just don’t really see the point. Like, we love each other, we already live together, neither of us is going anywhere, I guess I don’t really see why we need to like, bring the government into it. I don’t see why we should make a big deal of something that’s not even really gonna change anything.”

“SO YOU’RE SAYING OUR LOVE IS NOT A BIG DEAL?”

“No, I’m saying that it’s a big deal to _us_ , but like, idk, a lot of people are in love and that’s not really any of our business. Why should we expect other people to like, go out their way to give us a whole bunch of attention and buy us toasters and shit when we didn't even really do anything?”

OK, now Dave has gone too far. It’s one thing to imply that he doesn’t want to marry Karkat, and another thing entirely to belittle the concept of marriage as a whole. To Karkat, _that_ feels like even more of a personal insult.

“BECAUSE, DAVE! _THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE DO!_ YOU FALL IN LOVE FOREVER AND YOU GET MARRIED AND EVERYONE YOU KNOW HAS TO SUCK IT UP AND GIVE UP A WEEKEND AND BUY YOU A FUCKING TOASTER! AND THEN YOU DO THE SAME FOR THEM! _IT’S WHAT PEOPLE DO!_ ”

“Dude, chill, if you want to get married we can get married. It’s not that big a deal. I’m fine either way.”

“AND FURTHERMORE…”

_Wait, what did he say?_

“WAIT, WHAT DID YOU SAY?”

“I said if you want to get married we can.”

“WAIT...DAVE...ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?”

“Sure, fuck it, I’m down for whatever.”

“YOU’RE...REALLY OK WITH IT? WITH GETTING MARRIED?”

“Yeah man whatever makes you happy. And I guess it does make good fiscal sense now that I think about it...”

“OK...BUT...WHAT ABOUT WHAT MAKES _YOU_ HAPPY?”

“Like I said, I’m cool with whatever.”

“YOU’RE... _REALLY?_ ”

“Yeah, sure.”

“...UH...OK THEN...IF YOU’RE SURE...”

“Yup.”

“OK…”

“‘K.”

Dave turns back and takes the final two steps to the media center to change the DVD. Karkat remains on the couch, cheeks flushed, mouth hanging open, eyes wide, just staring at the back of the man who he... _might_ be engaged to? Did Dave just agree to marry him, or did he agree to _someday_ agree to marry him? 

Then the most horrifying thought of all crosses Karkat’s mind- did he just... _propose?_ Accidentally? Like _that?_ The most precious, once in a lifetime opportunity to show Dave the extent of his love and devotion...and it was _that?_ The most beautiful, memorable, heartfelt display he could possibly dream up in the most romantic depths of his Firth-addled thinkpan...and instead he did _that?_ The happiest moment of his life...was _that?_ Suddenly it doesn’t seem so surprising to Karkat that Dave’s response was so unenthusiastic. He should probably consider himself lucky that it wasn’t a flat out rejection.

“Oh, hold on, I’ll be back in a sec…”

Dave mutes the TV, now displaying the menu screen of _The Wedding Singer_ , and walks out of the room, but Karkat hardly notices in his spiral of regret and self-loathing. He continues to silently sit and spiral until Dave returns about a minute later.

“‘K, here you go.”

He hands Karkat something on his way back to his spot on the couch, and Karkat instinctively reaches out to take it without looking up. He assumes it must be a snack, or the remote, or maybe a pair of socks. It’s only the sensation of cold metal on his fingertips that shocks him out of his stupor. He looks at his hand and sees that he is holding a simple, dark gray, brushed metal ring. Inside, etched in a very tasteful script, is an inscription that simply reads “ _k+d shit. lets get married_ ”

“DAVE…”

“Yeah?”

“DAVE!”

“Karkat...”

“DAVE... _WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?”_

“Oh, it’s an engagement ring.”

“I KNOW IT’S A FUCKING ENGAGEMENT RING! WHERE THE FUCK DID IT COME FROM?”

“My sock drawer."

“ _...WHAT?_ ”

“What?”

“ _HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD AN ENGAGEMENT RING IN YOUR FUCKING SOCK DRAWER?_ ”

“Uh...idk about a year or so I think.”

“ _A YE…_ OK, OK, WAIT, HOLD ON, WAIT ONE GODDAMN FUCKING MINUTE, OK, WAIT, LET ME MAKE SURE I GET THIS ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY UNMISTAKABLY FUCKING STRAIGHT- YOU JUST SAT THERE. FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES. WATCHING ME LOSE MY FUCKING MIND. BASICALLY BEGGING YOU. TO EVEN _REMOTELY_ CONSIDER MAYBE, POSSIBLY, SOME DAY, _THINKING_ ABOUT GETTING MARRIED. WHEN YOU HAVE HAD AN ENGAGEMENT RING. IN YOUR SOCK DRAWER. _FOR A FUCKING YEAR!?_ ”

“Haha, yeah, you shoulda seen your face. Priceless...” 

“ _AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”_

Dave’s expression shifts just slightly from a slight smile to a slight frown, but to Karkat’s well-trained eye, it’s clear that he’s now realizing that he may have gone just the tiniest bit too far with his prank...

“AND JUST WHEN EXACTLY WERE YOU PLANNING ON USING THIS?”

“Idk, it was kinda an impulse buy, tbh. I assumed you’d wanna be the one to do it, I mean, that kinda stuff is like, pretty much your whole thing. And then you know, you didn’t, but I figured I’d probably give you a few more months to get your shit together before bailing your ass out...”

“WHA…”

“What, did you actually think I’d just not want to marry you? Of course I want to marry you, Karkat, you’re the love of my life, what could possibly be a bigger fucking deal than that? Fuck anyone who doesn’t think it’s at least worth a weekend and a toaster.”

Karkat’s head spins as he rapidly circles through a myriad of conflicting emotions, which he plainly shows on his face and through the variety of incoherent noises spewing from his mouth. He looks at Dave, he looks at the ring, he looks back at Dave, he looks at the ceiling. He wants to laugh, then he wants to cry, then he wants to scream. He eventually settles on Dave and scream.

"I’M SORRY, IS THIS ALL A GAME TO YOU, STRIDER? AM I SOME KIND OF JOKE TO YOU? DO YOU DERIVE SOME SORT OF SICK PLEASURE FROM TOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THAT? DO YOU GET OFF ON MOCKING ALL OF MY DEEPEST HOPES AND DREAMS, YOU SICK, _SICK MOTHERFUCKER?_ "

"'K so is that a yes or…?"

" _NOOOO!_ NO! FUCK YOU! YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS THAT EASY, ASSHOLE! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST HAND ME A RING AND THEN SIT DOWN TO WATCH A MOVIE LIKE IT’S JUST ANOTHER FUCKING TUESDAY? _ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT!_ IF YOU WANT TO MARRY ME SO BAD YOU'RE GONNA GET DOWN ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES AND YOU'RE GONNA ASK ME FUCKING PROPERLY LIKE I _GODDAMN FUCKING DESERVE!_ ”

“Haha, _properly_ , OK, Jane Austen…”

“ _I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING DAVID!_ ”

“Oh no, I know you’re not. But, yeah, OK, fair. I can freestyle this I guess. One _proper_ proposal coming right up...”

Dave slides off the couch and onto both knees, as requested, on the floor. He pauses for a moment to think, then takes off his shades and sets them on the coffee table beside him before turning back to face Karkat. 

And that is all it takes. Suddenly it’s as if the past 15 minutes had never even happened, all that matters is that Dave is on his knees, looking up at Karkat with his actual eyes, and he loves him, and he wants to marry him. All the rage instantly melts away, leaving Karkat nothing but a blubbering puddle of sloppy romcom emotions. 

“Uh, can I get that ring back real quick?”

“OH, HERE...”

“Cool.”

Dave puts the ring in his pocket for safe keeping.

“OK, Karkat…”

He takes Karkat’s hand in both of his own. Karkat responds with an involuntary half gasp, half squeal sort of a noise, and his free hand shoots up to cover his mouth.

“Babe I literally haven’t even started I’m really gonna need you to try to keep it together…”

“ _DAVE!_ ”

“Yeah OK, OK. Karkat…”

Dave quickly looks down and takes just one deep breath, as quietly and coolly as he can manage. Karkat still notices, and has to bite his lip to _keep it together,_ if only for the sake of not delaying this any longer.

“Karkat, I’ve come here with a view of asking you to marriage me. I want to marry you so I can kiss you anytime I want. I want to marry you because there’s only one person that makes me feel like I can fly, and that’s you. I want to marry you because you complete me, and you had me at hello. Because I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met. Because I like you, very much, just as you are. Because to me, you are perfect.”

“ _OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD…_ ”

"Because you saw me when I was invisible. Because I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you. Because you have bewitched me, body and soul. Because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. And it’s like, in this moment, the whole universe exists just to bring us together.”

_"DAVE..."_

"So, I’m just a dude, uh, kneeling, I guess, in front of another dude, asking him to love him. And I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. Marry me, because I'd like to date you.”

Dave retrieves the ring again from his pocket and slides it onto Karkat’s finger. Karkat responds with a very loud sort of half sob half laugh.

“Karkat Vantas,” 

Dave chokes out, with great but futile effort to disguise the wobble in his own voice. He clears his throat.

“I love you. Will you, please, marry me?”

_"YEEEEESSSSSSSSS!”_

Karkat yells as he leaps off the couch and tackles Dave to the floor, and before Dave can catch his breath, Karkat's mouth is firmly affixed to his. His hands wrap around Dave’s face, lifting his head safely off the floor and holding the two of them so tightly together that Dave couldn’t escape if he wanted to, which he does not. Dave’s hands, once steadied after the sudden attack, find their way to Karkat’s waist, pulling him closer still. The world around them melts away as they melt into each other. Time, literally, stops.

“WAIT A MINUTE!”

Time starts again. Karkat pushes himself up just out of reach of Dave’s lips.

“THERE’S NO WAY YOU JUST PULLED ALL THAT OUT OF YOUR ASS!”

“OK, yeah, I guess I did sort of have a back-up plan...just in cases.”

Before Karkat has time to react, Dave’s hand is on the back of his neck pulling him back in. His other hand finds Karkat's, and their fingers interlock, pushing the ring further into Karkat’s palm, and…

_The ring. He's wearing a ring. They're getting married..._

“WAIT, WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!"

"We don’t?"

"NO! WE NEED TO SET A DATE! WE NEED A VENUE! WE NEED A WEBSITE! WE NEED TO SCHEDULE TASTINGS AND FITTINGS AND PICK A COLOR SCHEME AND MAKE A REGISTRY AND...OH MY GOD, I NEED TO CALL KANAYA! WHERE THE FUCK DID I PUT MY WEDDING BINDER?”

“ _How do you have_...nope, nevermind. OK, uh, just let me know what you need me to do I guess…”

But Karkat is already well on his way out of the room.

“...Cool. Love you.”

Dave puts his shades back on and gets back up on the couch. He grabs his XBox controller and starts up his Tony Hawk, listening to his fiancé pace and curse and mumble to himself from the other room. He has never been happier in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Proposal movie quotes:  
> Love, Actually; Sweet Hope Alabama; Hitch; Jerry McGuire; The Wedding Date; Bridget Jones' Diary; Love, Actually (again); The Princess Diaries; Dirty Dancing; Pride and Prejudice; When Harry Met Sally; Serendipity; Notting Hill; My Best Friend's Wedding; The Proposal; and finally, Love, Actually again!
> 
> I spent way too long Googling best romantic movie quotes, but Karkat is worth it!


End file.
